It's very fitting that my first blog should be titled 'Insomnia' as insomnia is partly what inspired me to start this blog...something to do when I can't sleep!
Recently, I have been suffering from really bad insomnia...really bad meaning I haven't had a good night's sleep in over 3 weeks. Insomnia is described as a persistent difficulty in falling asleep or staying asleep. Now even though I love to sleep and make sure I get at least 7 hours every night (well except when I have a night out then have to get up for work with little or no sleep!), I have always wondered how distressing insomnia actually is. I have experienced minor sleeplessness in the past, you know the kind you experience when you have an exam or some really exciting event the following day, and have never found it to be a big deal which led me to believe that insomnia couldn't be that bad...if you can't sleep you find something else to do...
I can't believe how wrong I was! You would think that the main problem with insomnia would be tiredness from lack of sleep. However, I have discovered that this is the least of your problems. Yes of course I was tired for the first few days but after that you kind of get used to it and learn to run on an empty tank. What I have found to be the most distressing part of suffering from insomnia is the frustration and this frustration comes in a variety of forms. Firstly, the frustration of wanting to go to sleep and not being able to. I get in to bed, I toss I turn, I listen some music, I toss and turn some more...the whole experience is very agitating and eventually you just want to punch the wall or scream or both!
The second thing that I find frustrating is the lack of opportunity to rest my mind or get any rest bite from my own thoughts. In other words I know we sleep to rejuvenate but it is also one of the only times where we can be free from our thoughts and if we are lucky enough enter the world of dreams. If I could at least have some freedom from my thoughts not sleeping would not be as frustrating, but sadly this is not this case and trust me at 4.30 in the morning after 2 hours of trying to get to sleep you will start to resent the random thoughts that are inclined to enter your head.
The final frustrating or maybe I should say upsetting thing about insomnia is loneliness. When you can't sleep you really just need someone to talk to and you realise they are all asleep. Of course you could phone them and wake them up but that wouldn't be polite lol. So instead while the world sleeps it's just you and your thoughts and although your life may be filled with friends during the day, when night falls you feel...alone. Personally I have taken to writing memos on my blackberry to combat the loneliness and frustration of insomnia and these memos were the foundations of my blog!
So there you have it a brief insight into the world of insomnia...feel free to comment!